Published May 21, 2015
Getting life for murder ain’t no irony
Not to this child of Miss Fortunes, you see
From that little island town, raised by a village
My father appeared missing
Thought he’d make it big, but only ended up criminalized
Traveling dead-end roads, lies and greed track the mileage
Sellin’ things that make mind, body, and soul obscene
My mother the caring enabler, bitten with the spirits.
I was taught the ways, if you know what I mean
Through demonstration and conversation
Live my life where the grass only gets shadier.
Left alone, take up the only trade I’d ever known
In the game of confidence, I gotta get meaner
In a world that doesn’t give a care for me
Be like the old man, I’d sworn I’d never be.
I’d prove myself not a loser, but a king
My self-esteem invested in the extreme
Women, my objects, my playthings
Men, my dupes ‘n’ hazards
Break ’em hard like a bad habit.
Even killed a man, no regrets said
Ain’t like the candy ass I snapped in two
Just like my mind on the mend
Another nail to the casket.
Locked up in a world made
Concrete tears, barbwired fears
My heart and mind
Confined to six-by-eight solitary.
As the lifetimes drain and fade away, so does my adrenaline
Running crews with ease, but never getting along any easier.
Living with myself, too little, too late
My walls come crashing, fences detracting
Fell victim to intervention and introspection.
And with my return to the free world
Never quite feeling free in my probation
Still waiting to be barked and told, completely paralyzed
And I wonder if I’m still human
Or am I just a two-bit disguise,
Still just a brick in the prison wall.
I, Mr. Liar now misguided, lost cause
Am I a shadow of the man
I once conned myself into believing I was?
So here I am, for all I’ve done
Still playing games of confidence
But with a different intent in mind.
Hope to give hope to others like me where I had none
Lives broken and splitting at the rotten rind
Making ends meet, struggling to survive.
Their lives just like mine
Constant reminder to what I might’ve been
Had I still been alive.