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Full Circle

by Kenitra Banks

This poem was inspired by a black woman who was once a forgotten victim of the familial violence. As I began to write and reflect upon the feelings inside, her experience came full circle.

I catch a glimpse of this tall, thick, chocolate figure as I look out of my window.
Mmm mmm mmm, that brutha was fine.
I need to know him and I will.
Oh I see your eyes caressing my body, did you catch mine?
Believe me sweetheart, I looked, twice.
Big and tall, solid and mahogany,
Juicy lips, full beard,
Broad shoulders, huge hands, thick thighs, and big feet.
My heart skipped a beat.
One failed date, but there was that knock at the door.
I almost forgot to breath.
Look at us, so nervous.
I knew I had the juice, but was he thirsty?
I could smell all of him through that cologne he wore
His sent was sexy, strong and MAN!
Dinner and a movie, I cooked.
If it wasn’t good, I didn’t know.
I tasted your mind, your personality, your thoughts, your goals, and your strength.
You feed me and it was good.
A full course meal .No other food could nourish me. Adventure, excitement, happiness, fun,
laughs, comfort.
You became my world.
You said it first but I felt it too.
So much joy.
Like the braids in my hair we were intertwined.
Day in and day out you and me.
Your big hands on my belly rubbing on our creation.
He knows our voices yet we have met.
He is anxious to see the world. I can feel it.
Those kicks. So sleepy, no energy, hungry, Real hungry.
Is that for me? I know you don’t want that chocolate ice cream with pickles and peanut butter.
It tastes so good.
He is here but it is rocky. Where are you? Why you so distant?
Let’s make it work. I miss that smile.
Those hands don’t touch me anymore.
I can smell her on your skin.
I find a new love and he loves me back. I provide him with all he needs and gave him life.
Can we be happy again? Is it even worth it?
The truth hurts but you don’t have to hurt me .I love you, I am sorry, for what you did to me.
What is it my fault?
Did I deserve that? He said he didn’t meant to.
Mind all messed up. You got me so confused.
If you love me how could you do that to me? I am not a child don’t hit me.
I have to go. This isn’t right. You will never change.
I miss you. I love you. I need you. It isn’t the same and I can feel it. What about the baby? Are we not enough?
Gone but there is still desire.
The years have passed like chapters in a book.
A baby girl. She is number two.
Mommy loves you too.
Front row seats to this fight of life.
But I am loosing.
I never liked roller coaster and have been on this ride too long,
Can’t find a way out of this ring.
Hitting me with low blows and I stayed in.
But it time for me to retire those gloves.
Beaten and bruised I make it out.
If this is love I wanton more.
Two beautiful children,
Twelve years of slave.
Becoming a statistic of the U.S divorce rate, that man I love didn’t know how to love me.
Finally free but still lost.
We are finding us.
I love me like I loved you.
My smell, my full-figured chocolateness with these thick thighs.
Mmmm mmm mmm I know I’m fine!

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